20 Days!!!!

In 20 days, Winter semester will be officially over. No more papers, tests, projects, assignments...until Summer term anyway! But there are a lot of exciting things that have been set in motion and are hopefully happening Spring term. More to come when it's all final...
Actually, here's the best part: 20 days until my FABULOUS lil' brother Brad comes home!!!! Yaya!!!

He has been living in Panama for the last two years serving as a volunteer missionary for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. However, I haven't seen him in 3 years because he left for his mission shortly before I returned home from MY mission in Switzerland. I love him soooo much and am really looking forward to playing with him! He'll be home (which is down the street from my apartment) for the summer, then he'll head back up to Logan to continue his studies at Utah State University.
Here are my plans for him this summer (which all revolve around me of course, haha):

• Brad will give me guitar lessons
• We'll learn the ukelele together (my lil' sis' just bought one)
• Brad will teach me spanish
• I'll set Brad up on dates (maybe we'll do some doubles) or at least I'll invite him over when girls are over hanging out
• Brad will come to church with my to my fabulous singles ward
• Brad and I will attend the Temple together once a week
• I'll help him find a job (that's right, I'm an awesome sister!)

Yeah Bradman!!! I can hardly wait! :-D

Now I just need to survive the next couple weeks until finals....

Spring is becoming very distracting--especially since all I want to do is enjoy the sunshine, flowers, and go running! 6 miles today, woohoo!!!!

Today was a FANTASTIC spring day, but the best part about it was going to Salt Lake City to watch General Conference and hear modern day Prophets speak to us! I felt like many of the messages were directly from God to me. I can't wait to hear more tomorrow! Tune in on lds.org!!! For more about our beliefs check out www.mormon.org! Happy conference!!!

Down and Up Again

6 pm
Sitting on my lovesack listening to my Eric Whitacre radio station on Pandora.
Feeling kind of down, but no reason to be feeling this way.
You know that sinking sensation when you realize that your suspicion was correct--your crush likes someone else?
Yeah, got that today.
Again.
It shouldn't get me down when I knew all along that he wouldn't ever be interested in me. I'm not his type.
Still kinda stinks though.
I'm getting sick of getting my hopes up that maybe I have a chance with someone and then I don't.
Every time I go out once, twice, even three times with a guy and I start to like him, he ends up dating someone else (usually within a few weeks).
It was kind of funny at first, you know, what are the chances right? Lots of laughs...until the pattern continued on for weeks...months...it's been going on since April! The first girl the guy dates after taking me out a couple times becomes the girlfriend, fiance, even wife!
The pattern is starting to get really old...
Internet connection is bad, pandora isn't working well.
Today the meetings at church were really wonderful. I felt the spirit and learned a lot. It was kind of funny though: During Relief Society some sisters were talking about how they're getting into their late 20's and aren't married. They're getting really discouraged because they strongly desire to have a family.
I'm not exactly anxious to get married right away, I'm not ready to have children and I still have lots of things to work through before I'll feel ready to get married. But I really would like to date again. Last summer I went on lots of dates but I really have hardly dated at all since school started again.

Well, that's enough moping...

10 pm
Went on a nice long walk along the base of the mountain with my roommate.
Had a really good chat and enjoyed the beautiful weather.
Did my laundry.
Ran into Kalee, John, and Jessica and chatted.
Jimmy came hometeaching. He's pretty much my favorite hometeacher ever and I always feel better after talking with him.
God is good. He truly knows us!

St. Patty's Day

Happy Birthday Grandma!!! And Happy St. Patrick's Day too!

These are my wonderful Grandpa and Grandma Winters! I love them so much!

When I was a baby, Grandma had cancer. She had a very slim chance of surviving the cancer, but against all odds, she lived. Although she continues to have health problems, many of which are side effects from cancer treatments, she is cancer free. I'm really glad to have her in my life! In honor of my Grandma, on her birthday today, I ran a 5k in the Rex Lee Run at BYU.

At home shortly after the race.
Rex Lee was president of BYU (and interestingly enough, he was the student body president when Grandma and Grandpa were students at BYU) who died of cancer. Every year BYU does the Rex Lee Run to raise money for cancer research.

Aren't they cute?

I Love You!!!

Truth and our Perceptions

Today while sitting at a table on the 5th floor of the library, I was distracted from my homework by some new art books on display. Thinking to taking a break for just a couple minutes, I perused the books and ended up being swallowed up in one in particular for nearly an hour.
The cover photo of the book "Salt & Truth" by the photographer Shelby Lee Adams immediately struck me.

What really struck me in this picture was the honesty reflected in the eyes and surroundings of this man. Shelby Lee Adams is an American photographer most well known as a photographer of Appalachia, although he has photographed all over the world. As a native of the "holler", Johnson's Fork in Letcher County, Hazard, Kentucky, Adams finds himself drawn by his roots in his photography. The thing that struck me both in his essay describing his roots of inspiration as well as in his photography, is truth. Adams strives to photograph who his subjects are, in a way that they feel comfortable allowing him into their lives as well as in a way that reflects himself, the photographer, in their eyes. The photographs are very real; they are reflections of the subject's characters, as they perceive themselves.
As I noted in my last blog entry, lately I've been thinking a lot about my perception of myself. What makes me Natalie? What are those core values which are so integral to me being me? Why are those things important to me? How do others view me? More importantly, how does God view me? How does my perception of what other people think of me change who I am? And, how do I live so that the true Natalie is honestly reflected on my countenance?

Two random quotes in the photo essay which really stood out to me:

• "Gratitude bestow reverence, allowing us to encounter everyday epiphanies, those transcendent moments of awe that change forever how we experience life and the world." -John Milton

• "Compassion is not a religious business, it is a human business, it is not a luxury, it is essential for our own peace and mental stability, it is essential for human survival." -Dalai Lama

For anyone who's interested in seeing a few more of Adams' photography: http://www.edelmangallery.com/adams.htm

Amaryllis

I had a fabulous day today with Relief Society stuff and friends: Elizabeth, Rachelle, KJ, Ellie, Susie, Jeff, Sam, Amy. I'm so blessed to have such wonderful and caring friends! Susie gave me a gorgeous amaryllis with big, red blossoms! It won't bloom much longer, but today it's perfect!
A couple weeks ago Elizabeth said something that really struck me. The two of us were talking about our plans for the future, as well as some of our strengths as people. I made some half-joking comment about myself that may have been negative. Elizabeth looked at me for a few seconds and then she said, "I don't think you see yourself the way other people see you." She then went on to say the things she's noticed about me. Elizabeth has a special gift of cracking people's shells open and seeing the best parts of them, the little spark of divine that lies within each of us. She can see the potential lying within people, as well as the core essence of the best person they are, the person Heavenly Father wants them to always be. The part that sometimes is hidden out of sight. Not only does she see that spark of divine, Elizabeth tells people what she sees and it changes their perception of themselves. People realize she's right, and it makes them want to develop that spark so it will grow into a flame.
I haven't been able to stop thinking about that simple sentence since talking to Elizabeth. "I don't think you see yourself the way other people see you." Why is it so easy to lose sight of who we are? I am comfortable with being me, I like me and I think I'm pretty fabulous. But I sometimes get caught up in comparing myself with what I think I should be, whether it's realistic or not. I stopped comparing myself with other people quite some time ago, but I have this yard stick which I tend to measure myself against and when I fall short of the impossible, I get upset with myself. I can see my weaknesses better than anyone else, and sometimes they seem much larger than my strengths. Sometimes my weaknesses become monsters that affect the way that I think about myself. I can see that the most in dating. Sometimes I meet someone really great who I might get along well with in dating, but I don't give it a chance because I don't think they'll ever see anything in me. So then I retreat into my shell and never allow them to see who I really am inside. Or maybe I just don't think they see who I really am, and so I cut off any possibilities of something happening.
Maybe we tend to be a little bit like Amaryllises. We see ourselves as a big, cracked, brown sphere shoved underneath some soil and we're embarrassed about ourselves. But what we don't know is that others see the big, spectacularly colored blossoms that make the Amaryllis truly beautiful.
Let's see ourselves more like God sees us!