Love

"Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow." -melody Beattie

I am grateful for friends and family who help me talk through the problems and challenges in my life--and who still love me despite my weaknesses and fears.

The Gratitude Experience

When my parents first got divorced, a friend told me about a gratitude journal which they kept. Everyday my friend wrote down simple things that she was grateful for. I thought it was a good idea, so for several months I kept a gratitude journal. It made a big difference in my life at the time. It helped give me perspective on my life, and helped me recognize all of the blessings I take for granted.
It seems like everyone is posting the things they're grateful for on facebook this month. I don't particularly want to post my thoughts on such a public forum, however I do think it's a good idea. Starting today I'll try write one thing that I'm grateful for every day for the rest of November.

"Gratitude bestows reverence, allowing us to encounter everyday epiphanies, those transcendent moments of awe that change forever how we experience life and the world."  -John Milton

I'm grateful for wonderful friends who understand me and are there for me. I'm grateful for conversations over tea, long walks in the park, movie nights, dinners cooked and shared together, adventures, bike rides, frozen yogurt or hot chocolate, notes, pavlova, experiences, stories, and hugs. I'm grateful for friends who I can laugh with, cry with, be sad with, and share with. I'm grateful for friends who see me for who I am and love me anyway. I have the most incredible friends who inspire me every day to become a better person. I'm grateful for their courage and cheerfulness when faced with hard things.

The Prince's Dog

First Frost of 2012

"There is an old Welsh story from the 13th century about a prince who returned home to find his dog with blood dripping down its face. The man rushed inside and, to his horror, saw that his baby boy was missing and his cradle overturned. In anger the prince pulled out his sword and killed his dog. Shortly thereafter, he heard the cry of his son—the babe was alive! By the infant’s side lay a dead wolf. The dog had, in reality, defended the prince’s baby from a murderous wolf.

Though this story is dramatic, it demonstrates a point. It opens the possibility that the story we tell ourselves about why others behave a certain way does not always agree with the facts—sometimes we don’t even want to know the facts. We would rather feel self-justified in our anger by holding onto our bitterness and resentment. Sometimes these grudges can last months or years. Sometimes they can last a lifetime...

None of us is without sin. Every one of us makes mistakes, including you and me. We have all been wounded. We all have wounded others." (Elder Dieter F. Uchtdorf Ensign Oct 2012)

There was a time in my life when I was angry and upset at someone who I loved who had hurt me. I questioned my friendship with this person, I questioned my world paradigm, and I questioned my belief in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I felt taken advantage of, and I felt that everything I had ever taken for granted was a lie. I felt betrayed and my world seemed to be crumbling around me.
At this point, I realized that I had the choice to give up on everything my parents had taught me, or to find out if it was true. I knew that the only way to find out if what I had been taught before was true, was to really truly live it. I experimented with the word of God by really striving to feel the spirit at church meetings, I delved into the scriptures like never before, I tried to live the commandments, and I prayed to my Heavenly Father in a more personal way than ever before. Although it did not come all at once, I gained a testimony for myself that the church is true. Perhaps even more importantly, I felt the love of God in my life and I knew that He was there for me and always will be there for me.
Shortly afterwards, I realized that I was still very angry at the person who I felt had destroyed my life. I felt bitter and resented this person for what they did to me. I felt that I would never trust them again, nor would I ever have a relationship with them again. Although I hid it from those around me, my hurt and anger ate away at my heart. Finally, rather reluctantly, I realized that I had to change. I didn't have the power to change the heart of the person who had hurt me, but I did have the power to change my own heart through the Savior's atonement.
My journey for forgiveness did not come overnight. I had to work harder than I ever had before to understand and apply the gospel in my personal life. Ultimately, I had to place my faith in the Savior, who's atonement helped me to shift my paradigm. I worked on forgiveness for four years. One fall, I had the opportunity to sing in a choir which sang a lovely arrangement of the prayer of Saint Francis. As I sang this song during practice, I felt healing begin to take place in my heart. When we performed the song, I had to stop singing in the middle because I couldn't stop crying at the realization that I forgave this person with my whole heart.
I would like to be able to say that I was perfect after that experience, but unfortunately that would be a lie. I still sometimes feel hurt by the same person, and I still sometimes feel angry. I still have to work at maintaining the feeling of forgiveness towards them. However, these feelings don't last and they don't fester away at my heart. When I start feeling that way, I remember the many blessings in my life, and I am able to put things back in perspective.  I remember how it felt to feel honest forgiveness for this person, and I remember that the Savior is still there for me. It is still a journey of healing, and honestly it will probably be something that I will have to work at maintaining for the rest of my life. But I have felt and continue to feel the miraculous healing that the atonement of Jesus Christ  can have in my individual life.


Lord, make me an instrument of thy Peace.
Where there is hatred, let me sow Love.
Where there is injury, thy Pardon, Lord.
Where there is doubt, let there be Faith.

Oh Lord, make me an instrument of thy Peace.
Where there is despair, let me bring Hope.
Where there is darkness, let there be Light.
Where there is sadness, let there be Joy.

O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek:
To be consoled, as to console,
To be understood, as to understand,
To be loved, as to love.

Lord, make me an instrument of thy Peace.
Where there is hatred, let me sow Love.
For it is in giving that we receive,
It is in pardoning that we are pardoned.

And it's in dying that we are born 
To eternal life, to eternal life.
Lord, make me an instrument of thy Peace.
An instrument of thy Peace. Amen.

-St. Francis

My View

The view of fall from my apartment

The colorful leaves, rain, and the mountains shrouded in clouds remind me of Switzerland...

St. George Trip

Went to St. George on Tuesday night with a couple exercise science professors (Dr. Vehrs, Dr. Myrer, Dr. George) and some students. We went to do research and a service/study at the Huntsman World Senior Games held every year in St. George. We took three BYU vans, stayed with host families and drove back Thursday night. 7:30am-4pm we spent at the games. Part of our group helped Dr. Vehrs with an ultrasound on the carotid artery. This was probably the most popular booth at the health fair held at the games, as a $700 test was free. There were seniors lined up for hours just to get an appointment.
I helped with the other research project, which was a postural assessment before and after doing corrective exercises using the Egoscue method. We took photos with a special app on the ipod which will calculate differences in posture between the pre and post photos.
I LOVED getting to chat with and work with the seniors. They were really great and so sweet. A 72 year old woman taught a couple of us how to do head stands, which she demonstrated quite proficiently. I worked with a wonderful older man who is a springboard diver. His wife is a professional singer and they travel all over the US and Canada performing for seniors in nursing homes. Watching the seniors who were still so full of life but also full of experiences made me want to be a better person, to try a little harder, love a little bit deeper, and just to keep going when the going gets tough.
I wish I had more (and better) photos that captured the experience better.

Walking on Dixie Rock with part of our group of BYU students:

 Seniors:

Group Photo:

Happenings

God is good! In the right place at the right time today. Just what I needed, and I hope it helped.
Loved seeing Susie at Smith's today. Made me happy. :D

Recent(ish) happenings in the land of Provo:

I love Bishop and Sister Nelson!!!!!

With much regret, finally retired my trusty backpack this semester. It served Sister Lehmann her entire mission, she then bequeathed it to me, it served me my whole mission, then I came home and it served me for nearly 2 years for school. With a broken zipper, tearing at the top, and holes in the bottom, I reluctantly consented to buy a new one. Bought the same brand. 

 Kerry Sjoberg, my wee little Scottish companion came to visit in August!!! Had a party! Soooo good to see her and meet her family.

Blue skies and rolling clouds

First live BYU game EVER! Actually, first college football game EVER! BYU vs. Hawaii. Won 47-0. Booyah! Probably won't go to another game...unless a cute boy is paying. Too long and too stop and go. Soccer & basketball are more my thing. BUT I loved going with Cathryn!!!! We danced, ate kettle corn, drank juice (which we snuck in), ran into a couple friends (Holli, Hannah & smiley baby), and enjoyed the bike ride there and back.

We found Waldo!!! We also found Jesus! Seriously, we found the actor playing Jesus in the New Testament films!!! Long hair, beard, t-shirt & jeans. Wanted to take a picture, but decided against it. So we got a pic with Waldo instead.

Pretty much my favorite thing!!!!

 Double rainbow. Healing.

Rain

Rode my bike home in the rain today. It's refreshing to see the world get washed clean again. Sometimes I need that feeling in my life.